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America is about to become one big Alabama

By Josh Moon
Alabama Political Reporter

What will America look like under Donald Trump?

That seems to be the most pressing question on most people’s minds in the wake of Trump’s election last week.

Just what sort of president will Trump be? What will America look like during and after his presidency?

Let me help: Buckle up, America, and prepare for the Alabamization of the United States.

That’s right, prepare for America to be a gigantic version of Alabama when this whole thing is over.

Already, president-elect Trump has begun staffing his White House team with some of the biggest racists, misogynists and bigots working in politics today.

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Steve Bannon, a white nationalist who once worked for Goldman Sachs – a combination that has to make him unlikable to everyone – will be Trump’s top advisor. Bannon once said the women’s right movement was being led by “a bunch of dykes from the 7 Sisters schools.” And that’s one of his less offensive comments.

This is not to mention the usual parade of rightwing nuts who have followed Trump around the campaign trail – Jeff Sessions, Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, that comic book villain sheriff, the spokespeople that were essentially a group of insane Baghdad Bobs and there’s always Sean Hannity.

That group of deplorables roaming the halls of the White House has sent regular Americans into a tizzy. And they should.

Because here in Alabama, we’ve been governed by people just like that since the day the state was founded. And since that first day, those people have set about turning Alabama into a state our own governor described as last in everything good, first in everything bad.

So, let me help you out, America, and prepare you for the world you’re about to enter – a world where personal experience and “a buddy of mine told me da other day that” mean more than facts and common sense.

The first thing you should be ready to encounter is an onslaught of corruption. And not the smart, “House of Cards” sort of corruption.

No, the group of men who are about to take over the White House and most of the federal government are a group that value wealth and success over everything, and they will do incredibly ignorant things to obtain that wealth.

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Let me give you an example: Alabama’s former Speaker of the House once complained in an email about ethics laws he had helped pass, as he was also discussing ways to subvert those laws legally, as he was also subverting those laws illegally. All because he simply couldn’t afford to live on the measly $200,000-plus annual salary he was earning.

This is the level of stupid that’s about to go national.

The next thing you should prepare to encounter is an astonishing lack of understanding of anything that falls outside of the norm for them. And I do mean anything.

They’re not gay, so that must be an abomination. They’re not black and the president is, so racism is dead. They’re not transgender, so that’s not a real thing. They’re not hot, so global warming is stupid.

Also, prepare to be dumbfounded by what these conservatives are prepared to believe if it furthers some long-standing belief that they hold.

In Alabama, we have seen all sorts of stupid bills presented and passed simply to ward off the newest urban legend in Crazy Conservative Town.

We’ve stopped the U.N. gun ban, which wasn’t a thing. We stopped President Obama from passing gun laws that he had never proposed. This past election we actually voted on a constitutional amendment making the state “right to work,” even though it already is. And we’ve ensured more Christian rights that were never in danger than I can count.

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On the flip side of all this there is a lot these people won’t do.

They won’t create a better economy, because conservative policies that move higher tax burdens to the middle class and poor have never – not once in the entire history of this country – produced a better economy.

They won’t make the water or air cleaner. They won’t do anything about the very real issue of climate change. They won’t protect anyone different from them from anything, and will routinely classify discrimination complaints as “whining.” And they won’t do anything to address the longterm issues affecting education.

So, buckle up, America, it’s gonna be bumpy.

But let me be the first to welcome you all to Alabama.


Josh Moon is an investigative reporter and featured columnist at the Alabama Political Reporter with years of political reporting experience in Alabama. You can email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter.

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