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2017 SEC Football predictions: I’ll take Auburn

Josh Moon

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By Josh Moon
Alabama Political Reporter

These predictions probably won’t be right.

I’ve been writing this same SEC prediction column every year for at least the last decade, stretching back to when I actually covered sports for the Montgomery Advertiser. I have managed to get the SEC champion and both division champs right exactly one time.

It was so long ago that I don’t even remember who it was. I think Georgia and LSU back in the mid-2000s. But it doesn’t matter.

I consider this my little gift to conservatives and Republicans and all of the other people who I’ve jabbed, critiqued and ridiculed over the last year. I’m so very rarely wrong in any of my regular columns, I feel bad.

So, here is your opportunity for revenge. To send me emails and social media messages talking about how wrong I’ll be and how wrong I was. All I ask is that you at least attempt some humor and not act as if I’ve said bad things about your mama.

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Away we go….

SEC EAST

7. Vanderbilt: I don’t know what to do with Vandy anymore. Used to be, the Commodores showed up, played hard, almost beat a few teams, were lovable losers and we all talked about their great academics. Then they went and tried to be decent a few years ago, and now every year we get stories of arrests and stupid behavior. And the team still stinks. Stay in your lane, Vandy.

6. South Carolina: I like Will Muschamp. I think he’s a fantastic defensive coordinator. I think he is also a terrible head coach. Mainly because a putting a decent offense on the field is as difficult for him as not cussing. The Gamecocks were surprisingly decent last year, but that was with leftover Spurrier players on offense.

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5. Missouri: Were you aware that Gary Pinkel no longer coaches Missouri? Well, were you aware that a guy named Barry Odom now coaches Mizzou? Or that the school pays Odom more than $2.3 million annually? If you did not know one of those things, at least you got something out of this.

4. Florida: Let’s be honest, Florida has been like three scores away from finishing third the last two years. But they’ve been able to do just enough to hold off the pack. Not this year. The OL is awful, the DL isn’t as strong as previous years and the Gators’ coach has spent most of the off-season answering questions about naked-humping a shark.

3. Kentucky: First off, settle down. It’s not like I picked UK to win the national championship. Just to finish third in the East. They’re good enough. They’re strong enough. And doggonit, people like ‘em. Seriously, they’re good on both lines, have one of the best groups of LBs in the country and have nine players back on D. (Knowledge!) Plus, their crossover games from the West are Ole Miss and Mississippi State.

2. Tennessee: I started to pick UT at 1, but then I came to my senses and remembered that they’re choking dogs. Every single year. Butch Jones is coaching for his job, so that means the Vols will be just good enough not to fire him but not good enough to actually accomplish anything.

1. Georgia: I don’t feel good about this, because I know how Nick Saban disciples tend to flame out. And Kirby Smart is the ultimate Saban-disciple. I bet he goes around all the time saying things like “aight” and “process” and screaming at random people in the hopes of sending an obscure message to his team. Anyway, Georgia has a lot of talent and a decent QB that Smart hasn’t had time to screw up yet. So, the Dawgs win.

SEC WEST

7. Ole Miss: I don’t understand why everyone was so shocked by the Hugh Freeze revelations. Because he sent a few Bible verses? That’s all it takes? Hell, the guy was cheating in the “Blind Side” and then had a player tell everyone that he was getting paid at the NFL Draft. He’s lucky Sandra Bullock helped him call plays. Anyway, Ole Miss is a dumpster fire.

6. Miss State: I still have no idea how any coach has ever convinced a D1 athlete to spend four years living in Starkville. It has the ambiance of a town that just missed out on a big chicken plant and got a prison-looking college instead. But hey, the Bulldogs don’t suck as bad as Ole Miss, so there’s that.

5. Arkansas: You know, I want so badly to like Bret Bielma. He’s a big, ugly guy, with a good-looking wife, and he talks so much smack to everyone. But he can’t keep Arkansas from being Arkansas, which is usually just good enough to lose close. But I do look forward to Bielma explaining how it’s all because the system is rigged against him.

4. LSU: Why in the hell are people picking LSU to win the West? Let’s see, you’ve replaced a good, well-liked and proven coach with a bumbling, incoherent maniac who will likely bite the head off of something before the end of the season. Yeah, pass. LSU couldn’t score before and it won’t score now. And the explanations of why they failed each game will somehow be less intelligible.

3. Texas A&M: Yeah, another surprise at the 3 slot. Something tells me that Kevin Sumlin on the hotseat will mean over-production from the offense. If John Chavis’ D can just slow down teams every now and then, the Aggies should be tough.

2. Alabama: That’s right, Bammers, you can cancel the December hotel reservations in Atlanta. And it’s a shame, too, because Nick Saban missed voting in the presidential election, watched the eclipse on the Weather Channel and probably refused to watch fireworks on the 4th in order to get this team ready. UA’s new run-first OC won’t exactly challenge the head coach’s conservative tendencies, and the OL needs work. The defense will be fine, but we’re only talking about a couple of losses here.

1. Auburn: Gus Malzahn should never recruit another high school QB, because he’s hopelessly incapable of developing a QB. He is, however, quite capable of taking a QB that other people have developed and teaching that QB his offense. Jarrett Stidham can throw, and he’ll have an OL and some RBs that can take the pressure off. The D is far better than average and there’s an all-American PK to guarantee points. Seems like a winner to me.

2017 SEC Champ: Auburn

Josh Moon is an investigative reporter and featured columnist at the Alabama Political Reporter with years of political reporting experience in Alabama. You can email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter.

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Opinion | The emperor has no votes

The outcry of illegalities over the recent election is simply the latest example of just how far they’ll go.

Josh Moon

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(STOCK PHOTO)

Two-and-32. That’s the record of the super-fantastic “strike team” of “elite” attorneys representing the Donald Trump campaign in various lawsuits around the country that contest the outcome of the U.S. presidential election.

For a refresher: Joe Biden won that free and fair election in a landslide and will be the next president of the United States. The end.

In case after case after case, despite what the president has tweeted and despite what enablers and spineless politicians have helped him push, the Trump elite attorney strike team has failed to offer even the slightest bit of proof of the grand fraud that Trump has repeatedly claimed on Twitter or that his “dye hard” personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, has screeched about during insane, “Veep”-like press conferences. (Have you ever witnessed a stranger, more disturbing image than that of “America’s mayor,” wild eyed and ranting, with his cheap hair dye running down his face as if his ears were bleeding?)

In fact, in the overwhelming majority of the cases filed by strike team Trump, the team has been forced to admit to judges that they have no evidence of fraud or that they’re not able to claim fraud.

It’s pathetic that we’re still doing this — that the transition to a new administration is being held up by this band of grifters looking to squeeze one last drop of donations from the marks who have already forked over so much to this long-running American con.

That’s all this is.

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The entire Trump presidency has been exactly this — a con game to enrich him and his closest business partners. To that end, it has been highly successful.

It has also been successful in turning seemingly rational people into googly-eyed yes men willing to sully themselves for a taste of the political fortune or fame that comes with being near the presidency.

It is, to be honest, shocking the ease with which so many in the highest offices of our federal and state government have been convinced to denounce reality and make fools of themselves to ensure they either benefit from being in the cult’s favor or at least not being a target of the cult.

The outcry of illegalities over the recent election is simply the latest and most horrific example of just how far they’re willing to go and how little of America they truly hold sacred.

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Alabama’s Secretary of State John Merrill, for example, has given media interviews in which he willingly passed along wild, long debunked conspiracy theories of Biden getting thousands of votes at once, and how there’s no explanation for it. And yet, there was an explanation — one that had been given over and over and over.

Alabama congressman Mo Brooks, a man who so frequently buys into rightwing conspiracies that he almost certainly has purchased an extended warranty for all of his cars, sent a bat-guano insane letter to a constituent this week in which he laid out how “socialist Democrats” were able to “steal” the election through massive fraud and how Republicans in Congress can steal it back.

One of the means by which this election was stolen, according to Brooks, was by excluding Republican poll watchers. None were excluded. And the strike team has now dropped that line of attack altogether.

Brooks and Merrill aren’t alone, however. Up and down the line, Alabama GOP officials and the media mouthpieces they pay to amplify their idiotic ideas have gone full in on this idea of fraud, even when other Republicans — like that poor secretary of state in Georgia — were trying desperately to tell them it wasn’t real.

Honestly, it’s like Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Emperor’s New Clothes” is being played out in real life, right in front of us. Only, the swindlers became the emperor.

Trump and his minions continue to walk around stark naked while insisting that he has on the most beautiful, perfect clothing in the whole world. And there’s this one group of people who are buying it. And then there’s this whole other group who know full well that this guy is buck naked but they’re too afraid of alienating the first group, even if it means undermining the cornerstone of American democracy.

In the meantime, the swindlers just keep sending out fundraiser emails. Because, again, that’s all this is.

Look at the frivolous lawsuits and how thoroughly Trump’s strike team has been embarrassed in every courtroom so far. This isn’t about winning or about massive fraud or about correcting problems in the election system. It’s about money. Pure and simple.

Finally, late Thursday, two influential Republicans, Sens. Mitt Romney and Ben Sasse, said what we all know.

Sasse said the lawyers have “refused to actually allege grand fraud.” He was also critical of the strike team’s tactics.

Romney said Trump was trying to “subvert the will of the people.” And he said he couldn’t imagine “a worse, more undemocratic action by a sitting American president.”

Hopefully, that will open the floodgates for a river of sanity and basic common sense. Because the longer this goes on, the more likely it is something catastrophic takes place.

It’s not too late yet for the president to put some clothes on.

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Opinion | Be thankful, not regretful

“We can stay home, because maybe next Thanksgiving, we can gather again.”

Joey Kennedy

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My wife, Veronica, and I just don’t have much real family left. But Thanksgiving Day is one of our favorite holidays. In the past – many years past – we hosted Thanksgivings.

Over the past few years, though, we’ve attended three Thanksgiving celebrations with friends. One, hosted by our dear friend Jo Ellen O’Hara, former longtime food editor at The Birmingham News, is no longer possible because she now lives at Fairhaven, an assisted living community in eastern Birmingham.

This was a typical Southern Thanksgiving, with turkey, cornbread dressing, various (and too many) side dishes, and featured a dozen or so people.

John Evon and Rian Alexander hosted us later in the day on Thanksgiving. Usually, this was simply the four of us at their Helena home. It was more a Northern Thanksgiving, with turkey or ham, stuffing (not dressing), and various (and too many) side dishes.

And for the past three years, we’ve attended the Thanksgiving bash hosted by APR editor Bill Britt and his wife, associate editor Susan Britt. This gathering, of maybe 20 or so people, was held at the Britts’ farm in Attalla. There was more than just turkey or ham, more side dishes than should be possible. Bill and Susan and the APR’s capable copy editor and the Britts’ assistant Charlie Walker did most of the cooking, but this gathering was also partially potluck. We’d all bring dishes to add to the abundant food choices. (Bill also makes a damn good Raw Apple Cider. Add a touch of whiskey.)

This year, we’ll have none of that. With the Coronavirus (COVID-19) spiking in Alabama and across the country, it’ll be just Veronica and me on Thanksgiving.

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That’s sad, too. We’re social people. We like to be around others. A lot of others.

That hasn’t been much of a feature in 2020, and I don’t expect it will be through a big chunk of 2021.

The warnings have been issued. Gov. Kay Ivey’s mask mandate is staying in place, thank goodness, though there should be an enforcement effort, too.

Here is Alabama State Health Officer Dr. Scott Harris: “We all want to see our family for holidays, yet this is a special year when we need to minimize risks because of the consequences of this highly infectious virus. Use your best judgment to plan the safest possible Thanksgiving. Consider hosting a virtual celebration, or if hosting or attending one, be sure to put prevention measures in place.”

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Oh, that Alabamians – and Americans – would heed that advice. But so many won’t. They’ll gather anyway – with grandparents and parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.They’ll gather at Thanksgiving, in a big dining room, have great conversations, and wonderful prayers.

And two or three weeks later, they’ll start to get sick and die, just in time for the Christmas some of them may not be around for.

Or they’ll survive Thanksgiving, thinking this virus is no big deal. And they’ll gather again for Christmas. Two or three weeks later, they’ll start to get sick and die, just before the presidential inauguration.

By then, too, the cases from all those New Year’s celebrations will be cranking up. And another group of people will start to get sick and die, just in the first month of 2021.

This plague is real. It’s killing hundreds of thousands of people – old people, middle-aged people, young people, children.

In Alabama alone, there have been more than 220,000 COVID cases, with more than 3,340 deaths. More than 88,000 people have recovered, but many of those are crippled with longterm, chronic health problems.

Daily cases in Alabama are ranging from 2,000 to 3,000 right now.

This is serious.

This is no hoax.

It is real.

Wear a mask.

Socially distance.

Wash your hands obsessively.

Attend only small gatherings if you must attend any gatherings – and you really don’t have to attend any gatherings.

So for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, for New Year’s, it’ll be just Veronica and me. We’ll make the best of it. Have fun together. Watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and A Christmas Story and It’s a Wonderful Life. We’ll listen to Christmas music and drive around looking at Christmas lights. We’ll have great food (my wife’s cornbread dressing is the best in the world).

And we’ll miss our friends. But we won’t kill them, and they won’t kill us.

We have plenty to be thankful for today and next week. And at Christmas and New Year’s. But we won’t be attending any parties or gatherings. We cannot do that for awhile, just as we have not done it since March. We can stay home, because maybe next Thanksgiving, we can gather again, with our friends (our family) who lived through one of the darkest periods of our lives.

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Opinion | Turnout for presidential election shatters record in Alabama

“The driving force had to unquestionably be driven by a fervor to vote for President Donald Trump.”

Steve Flowers

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(APR GRAPHIC)

On the morning of the momentous Nov. 3 presidential Election Day, I began my day on my hometown radio station, WTBF in Troy, which has been my tradition on Election Day for more than 30 years.

As the polls began to open around 7 a.m., we began getting calls that the people were lined up for almost a mile outside of the two most populous voting locations in Pike County.

Then, I started getting texts that a good many of the Republican boxes in major North Alabama cities had people waiting in line for two to three hours in voting precincts in Jasper, Hamilton, Cullman and Huntsville.

Folks in Talladega were showing up in droves driven by a local amendment.

When I voted around 10 a.m., the voting officials informed me that more people had already voted in record-breaking numbers.

About that time, I was receiving texts from other South Alabama locales like Daphne and Fairhope in Baldwin County and Enterprise and Ozark in the Wiregrass that records were going out the window.

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In Dothan, where I had spoken the day before, people were calling to tell me that records were being shattered at the Westgate polling place, which is one of the largest Republican boxes in the state.

When I went on the popular Mobile talk radio Jeff Poor Show at 10:30 a.m., Jeff said reports were coming in of an unbelievable turnout.

During the noon hour, I traversed to Montgomery for talk radio and interviews with my Capitol City television home, the Alabama News Network CBS 8 and ABC 32. I saw the same thing happening.

At St. James Methodist Church, where most of Wynlakes votes, there were two-hour-long lines. At Woodland Methodist in Pike Road, it was two to three, and at most of the Republican boxes in Elmore County, especially Millbrook and Wetumpka, there were three-hour waits.

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As I headed on to Birmingham for my election night TV appearance the scene in Shelby and Jefferson counties was more of the same, if not more pronounced.

My daughter, who votes at Vestavia Hills United Methodist Church, said the line had been out the door and around the church all day with no parking. The two major voting locations of Hoover, the Finlay Center and Hoover Met, had lines that reached almost a mile.

Around 6 p.m., while discussing the unprecedented turnout with Secretary of State John Merrill, who had joined me on CBS 42, we saw an unbelievable line out the street at the prestigious Church of the Highlands voting location in Tuscaloosa.

The coup de gras was at around 9:30 p.m., a good two-and-a-half-hours after the polls had closed, our TV cameras showed a picture of Trussville City Hall where voters were still waiting in line to cast their ballot even though Trump and Tuberville had already been declared the winners in Alabama by the Associated Press.

Merrill confirmed what I knew by that time, that indeed the state of Alabama had an unprecedented, unbelievable, amazing, record-breaking turnout — 2.3 million Alabamians voted despite COVID, which shattered any previous voting participation record.

The driving force had to unquestionably be driven by a fervor to vote for President Donald Trump. The vote for Trump was the largest for any candidate in the history of the state.

Trump garnered an amazing 62.7 percent of the vote, which surpassed his 62 percent against Hillary Clinton. He provided immense coattails for coach Tommy Tuberville, who beat our-anomaly, liberal, two-year-tenured Democratic Sen. Doug Jones by an amazing 60-to-40 shellacking.

Tuberville is now Senator-elect Tommy Tuberville.

Public Service Commission President Twinkle Cavanaugh set a record in her re-election bid with almost 1.4 million votes. She gained the record by receiving the most votes for any candidate in a contested race outside the presidency in state history.

Tuberville set the record for most votes for any senatorial candidate in state history. He trounced Jones by over 20 points despite being outspent 4-to-1.

According to unofficial election night results, the top Alabama counties for Trump were Winston at 90.3 percent, Cleburne at 89.7 percent, Blount at 89.6 percent, Marion at 88.4 percent and Cullman at 88.2 percent. They were the brightest red in the ruby red Heart of Dixie.

See you next week.

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Opinion | Let the embarrassment begin

“It’s all just a game for Tuberville. He’s not serious about representing Alabama in the U.S. Senate.”

Joey Kennedy

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When I was in high school, our coaches — head football, basketball, and baseball coaches, all assistant coaches — had to teach classes, too. My civics class was taught by one of these coaches. He was just a high school assistant football coach, but the dude knew the three branches of government. He taught us that, and a lot more.

The nation is embarrassed for Alabama, again. For electing mediocre coach, now-Senator-elect Tommy Tuberville, the Republican, over Democratic incumbent Sen. Doug Jones. We should be embarrassed as well. Alabama, when you elect idiots, you’re going to get idiots.

Look at Donald Trump, the president-unelect. Then look at his children, who surround him to grift whatever they can grift. See. The idiots don’t fall far from the idiot tree.

Friday when I opened my Twitter, this was waiting for me:

In an interview with Alabama Daily News, here was one exchange:

  • TCS (Todd Stacy): You mentioned the majorities and they are going to be razor thin. I mean, right now it looks like one or two seats in the Senate for Republicans, maybe 14 or 15 seats for Democrats in the House. And that’s as close as it’s been in a long, long time. Do you think the Democrats are going to have to work with Republicans and Republicans are going to have to work with Democrats? You see that being possibly a more productive situation? 
  • CTT (Coach Tommy Tuberville): Yeah and that’s how our government was set up. You know, our government wasn’t set up for one group to have all three of branches of government. It wasn’t set up that way, our three branches, the House, the Senate and executive.
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Tuberville clearly doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. When our constitutional government was set up by the founders, the president and vice president didn’t even run as a ticket. They were elected separately. Most founders argued against political parties. Senators were appointed, not elected.

But here’s what the real embarrassment is: Tuberville thinks the three branches of the U.S. government are the House, the Senate, and the executive. Seriously. That’s what Tuberville said. Stacy didn’t ambush Coach Tubby. No, Tuberville volunteered his immense knowledge of the federal government all on his own.

Of course, the three branches of the U.S. government, as set up in the U.S. Constitution Tuberville obviously hasn’t read, are the Legislative (House and Senate), the Executive (president and vice president), and the Judicial (the U.S. Supreme Court and other federal courts).

One would presume Tuberville would know at least this much, because the body he was just elected to confirms the nominees for that third branch, the judiciary.

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It’s all just a game for Tuberville. He’s not serious about representing Alabama in the U.S. Senate. Hell, he lives mostly in Florida. Tuberville is just interested in the appearance of power, and the really nice salary and benefits. He will rarely have an independent thought in his head, and when he does, it’ll probably be wrong, like not even knowing the three branches of the U.S. government.

This truly is embarrassing. For all of us in Alabama. But you get what you vote for, Alabama. That’s why we’re near the bottom in just about every quality-of-life survey taken.

And without Trump in the executive branch, sycophant Tubby will be lost. Tuberville ran on Trump, and Trump won’t be there. Now that’s a hoot.

There’s a decent chance Tuberville will be in the minority in the Senate, too, depending on what happens in the two Senate runoffs in Georgia on Jan. 5.

Tuberville says he may spend one or two weeks in Georgia campaigning and fund-raising for the Republican Senate candidates. One might imagine those candidates would say: “No, thanks. Keep your Alabama stupid out of here.” But, then, those two Georgia Republican candidates aren’t all that smart, either.

But the assistant high school football coach who taught me civics was pretty much on the ball, where telling us about the operations of the U.S. government were concerned. He was a really good teacher. Maybe you have to choose one or the other: good coach or good teacher?

That coach was a good teacher, but our high school football team sucked. Like Tommy Tuberville will.

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