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Opinion | The Alabama AG would really, really like your attention

Steve Marshall really wants your attention. All of your attention.

Alabama Attorney General Steve Marshall listens to a reporter's question following oral arguments in Merrill v. Milligan, an Alabama redistricting case that could have far-reaching effects on minority voting power across the United States, outside the Supreme Court on Capitol Hill in Washington, Tuesday, Oct. 4, 2022. AP Photo/Patrick Semansky
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Will someone please pay attention to Steve Marshall. 

Please. He’s begging you. Type his name. Say his name. Put his name on your TV channel crawl at the bottom of the screen. Flash his picture during your broadcast. 

Just, please, for the love of God, someone pay attention to him. 

He’s traveled all the way to New York City, after all. Got gussied up in a nice suit and tie to stand awkwardly outside of a lower Manhattan courtroom and pretend that he was just happening by that bank of microphones on his way to lunch. 

And that was after marching into the courtroom with Alabama’s senior U.S. Senator Tommy Tuberville, who likely thought he was attending a new insider-trading stock tips seminar. But they were, in fact, each sitting even more awkwardly through the morning’s testimony in the trial of former President Donald John Trump. 

And what is this trial all about – what grave miscarriage of justice could lure the attorney general and U.S. senator from Alabama all the way to NYC to show moral support for the former president? 

Why, it was the prosecution of Trump for making an alleged hush money payment to a former porn star, Stormy Daniels, the winner of the 2005 Adult Video News “Best Supporting Actress” award for her work in “Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre,” and attempting to cover it up through a series of maneuvers that eventually resulted in the $130,000 payment being listed as “legal fees” paid by a Trump business. 

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And dammit, Steve Marshall is not just gonna sit idly by while a rich dude in NYC is maybe or maybe not over-prosecuted for trying to conceal a greasy one-night stand with the star of “The Witches of Breastwick” – 1 and 2. 

At some point, a man just has to draw a line in the sand. 

Granted, most would have drawn it at rampant child labor or at third-world prison conditions in his own state. 

But not Steve Marshall. No sir. The venue for him to take a stand for the people of Alabama – to make this state a better place and help the constituents who pay his salary – was … lower Manhattan. 

Now, you simpletons who live in this state, who think that maybe your AG should be more concerned about the consumer fraud taking place around here or with political crimes and rooting out political corruption that leads to unfair advantages for the political elite, y’all just don’t get it. You probably think the AG should be doing stuff like investigating the pollution of our rivers and lakes and holding major corporations accountable. 

Y’all are probably the same people who think Marshall didn’t just happen to be walking by those microphones. And you probably don’t think that the prosecution of Trump for something every living human with a working brain cell knows he did isn’t actually the worst “perversion of the criminal justice system” that Marshall has witnessed in 30 years, as he so emphatically stated.

And you probably think that Steve Marshall was only in New York on Monday because the one thing he’s good at is the shameless promotion of Steve Marshall. 

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And if you’ve thought those things, then you’ve probably paid just the right amount of attention to Steve Marshall.

Josh Moon is an investigative reporter and featured columnist at the Alabama Political Reporter with years of political reporting experience in Alabama. You can email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter.

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