Senator Tuberville recently hinted in a not-too-subtle fashion that he intends to enter the race for Alabama’s next governor. He would make an excellent choice, as having a chief executive who is as unknowledgeable and uncaring for the needs of the state’s citizens as our legislators is just what our state needs. As we are currently not ranked 50th in every significant area measured, his election should guarantee that we achieve this downward goal.
His career as a senator has been less than stellar, and his political acumen seems as underdeveloped as his sense of civic duty. The national press has had a field day commenting on his inabilities. If anything, our senior senator has proven another embarrassment for a state that has had too many of these.
Coach Tommy has paid taxes on the home in Auburn and will claim this as proof of residence to qualify for candidacy. Yet, he has never resided in that dwelling, which is not deeded in his name. However, his lack of residence in Alabama did not keep the state’s citizens from electing him as senator, so it should not impede his campaign for governor either. His past as a lackluster coach at Auburn seems to offer the only semblance of qualification he needs as an Alabama citizen in the eyes of many.
Speculating on the regressions he would add to our state’s already backward-looking tendencies would be interesting. I am sure he will continue to support and probably emulate Mr. Trump’s perspectives on the state level. I expect he will decide that the Northern states have taken advantage of Alabama for too long and will place high tariffs on all imported products from them. Additionally, he will copy the president’s xenophobia and encourage citizens from these states who presently reside in Alabama to self-deport, and he will arrange with Mississippi to transport those who remain to Parchman Prison.
In matters of education, Tuberville’s philosophy seems predicated on the premise that intellectual impoverishment is a virtue, as those smarter than he would realize his deficiencies. His proposal would entail a drastic reduction in academic standards, with parochial indoctrination, utilizing religious texts as the sole pedagogical tools, until sixth grade, which would be the maximum for women and those expected to work with their hands. Any further required training for both groups would be through an apprenticeship.
State post-secondary institutions will be reduced to UA and AU, attended by well-to-do white men and those training for professions only. Senator Tuberville will adjust the curriculum to provide only those necessary courses for living in the South and professional training, but remove all those that might give a broader view of life, including, though not limited to, Evolution, History (unless rewritten), and likely even Philosophy if it made students think.
Healthcare under Tuberville’s regime would experience a retrenchment, with accessibility severely curtailed, particularly in rural and poor locales. He would find driving an hour or more one-way to see a specialist too convenient; it should be at least two hours. Then, too, women should not need assistance with childbirth. If self-delivery was good enough for great-grandma, it is good enough for all women. He would also expect state medical education to emphasize herbs and other forms of natural healing, as RFK, Jr. has recommended, and deemphasize vaccinations, antiseptics, and similar modern discoveries.
Tuberville’s society would echo the antebellum South, characterized by entrenched economic divisions. Society would consist of three classes of citizens: the gentry, the middle class, and manual laborers.
The gentry would comprise the wealthiest white citizens, who would dominate the political, cultural, and economic spheres.
Those in the middle would be skilled tradesmen, architects, physicians, dentists, attorneys, and small business owners. They, too, would be white. While they would be respected to a certain point and may become wealthy, their status as less than the gentry would never change.
Voting would be limited to men in both classes, as only they would be deemed intelligent and educated enough to participate.
Manual laborers would be of any skin color, with limited education, and living at or below the poverty level. They may have small farms, work on larger properties, or be sharecroppers. Additionally, they may be involved in manual trades, such as construction or blacksmithing.
Women will be limited to being domestics or lower schoolteachers while single, but to homemaking and childcare once they marry.
Senator Tuberville would not be content with maintaining the state in the early to mid-20th century, as the present governor has, as this is beyond his abilities. He would move us back to the mid-19th century as he can contend with those simpler realities. The legislature would be eager to aid him in this endeavor, as they have never accepted the changes since 1860. Sadly, this retreat from reality would appeal to a sufficient number of citizens that Mr. Tuberville would likely be elected.
