“For 47 years …,” said Alabama Senator Katie Britt.
“For five decades …,” said Representative Robert Aderholt.
“Iran has long been …,” said Representative Dale Strong.
“For 47 years …,” Alabama Attorney General Steve Marshall said.
These were how Alabama’s elected Republicans chose to begin their messages to the people they represent concerning the U.S. military’s strike on Iran—an action the current president defined as “war,” although, in his defense, he has rarely cared or known what many words meant.
That was the same president who launched that military action from the comfort of his beach club, and truly, nothing sums up America 2026 quite like a billionaire phoning in from the martini room of a palatial estate to send the poor children off to do the war bidding. And you thought the Hunger Games were cruel.
At least the Hunger Games had purpose.
The best anyone can tell, Trump’s Iran action has none, save for the possibility of further distracting from any one of a number of scandals and poor reflections upon him. With each deposition of someone not named Trump, the Republicans running interference for him in the child sex scandal move another step closer to having zero reasons to delay his under-oath questioning any further.
Then there’s the economy that is in shambles and the farmers going bankrupt and the immigration raids killing Americans and the fact that Trump and his bumbling brigade of goobers somehow managed to screw up an Olympic gold medal.
War in a sandy, far-away place has long been the answer for a Republican president in turmoil at home, so send in the poor kids. By Sunday evening, three of our servicemen were dead, five more injured.
A small price to pay for … whatever it is we’ve gone to “war” over. Unless, you happen to be the parents who answered the door on Sunday to find a chaplain and a guy in full military uniform standing on your front porch. In which case, you’re probably owed some explanation.
The rest of us are, too, by the way. And Congress was due one prior to the military action being launched, particularly if the president was going to deem it a “war.”
But that’s just the Constitutional requirements, and according to the U.S. Supreme Court, when it comes to Trump being required to follow those, eh.
You would think someone would ask though, right? I mean, Trump campaigned on the promise of ending wars, not starting any new ones and being a master negotiator who would never, ever need to start a war. Hell, he called guys who even threatened to bomb Iran in the past “weak” and “pathetic.”
So, whatever Iran did to prompt this military action, it must have been serious. The U.S. must have been under a direct threat. Imminent danger. Had to move. Couldn’t wait.
Turns out, nah.
Trump released a video on Sunday that cleared up exactly nothing. It was mostly the usual bluster and BS from Trump, as he praised himself and his actions and warned that more U.S. deaths were possible. He also said the military action could take a month, which if I know my Middle Eastern-regime-change-timelines, means somewhere between six months and 20 years. There’s a high probability that our children will be reading of U.S. casualties in the “Iran occupation” well into their teen years. It all depends on who needs a new defense contract and what the oil prices are looking like.
But two things are certain for now—there is absolutely no recent justification for military action against Iran and Republicans, particularly the Alabama species, are scared to absolute death to even suggest that there should be one.
These were many of the same people, mind you, who attacked viciously both Hillary Clinton and Liz Cheney for their “pro-war” histories and used such criticisms to justify returning a 34-time felon to office. Surprise, surprise—multiple felons with a history of fraud and suspicious financial dealings are prone to lie to you. A lot.
We’ve seen this play before, though. At least the last time it ran, though, there was a fictional weapon of mass destruction to lean on. Now we’ve just got a mystery cause—a MacGuffin, if you will. It’s Trump’s magical briefcase glowing golden and driving his Republican lapdogs to act.
Just rest assured that a decade or so and billions of dollars from now, when a Democratic president finally ends the occupation and brings American troops home to safety, it will be all his fault that the whole thing didn’t turn out better.
And the folks who suddenly seem to recall the history of Iran so vividly today will be unable to remember any of this.
