Dear America: An apology for Roy Moore, and all the rest

November 13, 2017

By Josh Moon
Alabama Political Reporter

Dear America,

We’re sorry.

I’m speaking for all of us here in Alabama, even if some of these people will never apologize and never believe that they’ve done anything wrong.

The rest of us know better, though.

We know what we’ve done to all of America over the past year, when the Alabamization of this country began. You weren’t ready for it, and I told you last November that no amount of lowering expectations could possibly prepare you for the river of lunacy that was rushing towards you.

And, well, let’s just say I nailed that one.

Over the last year, America has been treated to the Alabama “superfecta” of governance: Scandals, criminal indictments, bigotry and stupidity.   

These things are shocking to most of you, but in a state that rarely has a governor complete a term without a criminal conviction and that has seen its Governor and House Speaker convicted and tossed from office in the current election cycle, it is like a warm cloak of familiarity.

It’s how we live; how we choose to live.

We thrive on corruption and chaos and unbelievable ignorance.

Like Roy Moore.

Where else could a man be booted from the Supreme Court for failing to follow the law, get elected Chief Justice again, get booted again, and now be on the verge of the same state electing him to the U.S. Senate?

That probably should be explained, because, to be quite honest, Moore is too bat-guano insane for even most of Alabama.

The reality is it took the most Alabama-level of political corruption in history to get us here. We needed the House Speaker convicted, the Governor to go down in a blazing flame of vomit-inducing text messages to his 40-year-younger mistress, a bumbling goof of a state AG, and for nearly 90 percent of the registered voters in the state to ignore an election for U.S. Senate.

And because this is Alabama, we got all of that.

So, here’s Roy Moore, set to star on the big stage.

And make no mistake, if given the opportunity to do so, Alabama voters are going to elect this man. That’s probably the most infuriating piece of this whole thing — that so many voters would do so little to prevent a man who they know is bad for Alabama from becoming one of two people who represent them in the U.S. Senate.

Honestly, I have no decent explanation for it. I mean, I know why it’s happening, but the reasoning is neither logical nor acceptable.

Basically, it’s two things: Alabama voters have been conditioned to think of each election as a game that must be won by their “side” — no matter who is representing their side — and they have been conditioned to do this through the use of fear.

The fear of Hell. The fear of black people. The fear of Mexicans. The fear of Muslims. The fear that something in their life won’t be tomorrow what it is today.

We are the most easily frightened bunch of snowflakes in American history. It’s why so many people here carry guns and vote for dopes who promise to save them from things like Sharia law. Our people are convinced that if a decent, good man like Doug Jones is elected to the U.S. Senate, what will follow are mass abortions and a Christianity ban.

That’s absurd, of course. And if any of them would bother checking the history books, they would understand that the majority of Alabamians do much better when the government is controlled by progressives than when it’s controlled by austerity-pushing conservatives.

But I suppose checking history is too much to ask from a group that’s currently tripping over themselves to defend Moore from mounting allegations of sexual assault on minors. They, like me, have no idea if the allegations are true, but they are convinced that the women are money-chasing Democratic plants who want to destroy the “good” name of Roy Moore.

They have bought — hook, line and sinker — the absurd excuses from conservative mouthpieces, such as Sean Hannity and Breitbart. They have chosen to listen to the people who tell them what they want to hear instead of those who tell them the truth.

And really, that’s always been Alabama’s problem — so many opportunist politicians playing upon the fears of common people for their own benefit, truth and consequences be damned. It has been a problem that has held this state down for decades.

And now, it seems, we’re infecting the rest of the country with this stupid disease.

For that, we owe you an apology.

 

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