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Please, Alabama, Don’t Trigger or Dildo Grade Inflation

By Joey Kennedy
Alabama Political Reporter

In Texas this week, students on college campuses can now conceal carry guns. To class. In their dorms. Wherever.

That is crazy, but that’s how it is now.

I got an email from a Jacksonville State University student who is concerned the same could happen here in Alabama.

It could.

Full disclosure: I’m not only a journalist, but I’m a teacher, at UAB, in the English department. Ask me (or many of my colleagues) whether they want a student packing (concealed packing), and you’ll get the same answer: No. No. A thousand times no.

The JSU student referred to HB12, a constitutional amendment (to Alabama’s already world’s-longest constitution), which was introduced in the regular session of the Legislature back in February.

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Fortunately, the bill went nowhere. But that doesn’t mean it won’t at some point.

“As (by my own observation) our state’s most visible critic of HB12 in the academic community, what is your view the most effective way that I can express my displeasure with the prospect of guns on campus as a student,” the JSU student wrote. “I have already considered writing a letter of solidarity with JSU’s President Beehler, who is also apprehensive about HB12. I have also considered starting a Facebook group with the hopes of getting a petition going around campus. I truly fear the day that guns are allowed into classes in which controversial topics are expected to be discussed. This wave of guns on campus that has recently hit our country flies in the face of logic and is devoid of any empirical evidence of its efficacy. I truly hope that wisdom prevails in this matter.”

All of the above, dude. All of the above.

This 23-year-old senior has demonstrated exactly what a college degree is supposed to demonstrate: critical thinking.

No. No. A thousand times no to guns on college campuses. Concealed or otherwise, unless you’re a campus cop.

People shoot each other over Alabama vs. Auburn games. Because my girlfriend became your girlfriend. I don’t want a student in one of my classes to shoot me because I disagree with his thesis or give him a D on a paper. Don’t say it couldn’t happen. Of course it could.

A friend who teaches at a Texas university told me this week that he’s been instructed by his dean not to discuss conceal-carry in his classroom or even have a mention on his syllabus (he includes a line that guns are not allowed – duh.) I think my friend has a good First Amendment case, and certainly that dean is trespassing on this teacher’s right to free speech and expression.

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Texas, the state where I was born, has gone cray-cray.

Students at the University of Texas in Austin had a wonderfully visual way of protesting the concealed-carry law they have to follow (and apparently some deans are championing).

They pulled out their concealed dildos. Now, I grant you, dildoes are supposed to be concealed. In a happy place.

But at UT, students, who are prevented from having sex toys on campus, brought them anyway. Lots of them.

“We are strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks,” Jessica Jin, an organizer of the event who recently graduated from UT-Austin, told the Dallas News. “Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.”

What can I say? The rubber junk was everywhere.

Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.

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Google “University of Texas Guns.” You can see for yourself.

The point: No guns on campus. Please, Alabama, don’t be Texas. In my classes, we discuss all sorts of controversial issues. I had a student last year who was so angry that I didn’t recommend moving him out of my English basics class that he got up and walked out. The dude won’t get a degree without that class.

So if you complain about grade inflation on college campuses, just wait until students can carry their favorite pistol, hid in their pants, until they need to use it. Like a dildo.

If that happens, I’m giving A’s, and lot of them. And, I’m not going to discuss controversial topics. And, I’m going to send that unqualified kid on up the line, because I’m not going to die for freshman composition.

Joey Kennedy, a Pulitzer Prize winner, writes a column every week for Alabama Political Reporter. Email: [email protected]

 

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Joey Kennedy
Written By

Joey Kennedy, a Pulitzer Prize winner, writes a column each week for Alabama Political Reporter. You can email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter.

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